Mindfulness

The Secret SuperPower Of Meditation.

by Marc Itzler

Meditation…What is it really all about?yogi-hulk-diffuse-anger

Most would claim that Meditation, (commonly imagined as sitting silently, becoming aware of the present moment or of one’s breath), brings about a greater sense of calmness, clarity, serenity, and contentment. A break from the incessant chatter of the unstoppable inner voice clanging around in our heads. This, of course, is absolutely true. And then, there are all the benefits to our health, like reduced blood pressure, stress release, increased oxygen levels… it’s a long list, and all of it good stuff.

But what happens when we leave the cushion?  When we roll up our mat? When the commentary in our heads starts running again?  We are back in our thoughts, anxieties, and judgments. How quickly we lose our serenity and sense of ‘one-ness’. How easily we return to business as usual. Here is where we could be missing the greatest benefit that Meditation actually has to offer.

Let’s use the analogy of going to the gym or doing yoga, martial arts, or whatever physical pursuit scratches our itch. We do our workout, our practice or exercise. During and just afterward, we often feel a nice warm rush in our bodies. Our bloodstream is flooded with yummy dopamine and we’re glowing and maybe even a bit high. Great feeling, but we know that it is not this immediate ‘hit’ that motivates us to keep going.  What really gets us to commit to our practice is an understanding that over time, we are building and training our muscles to feel stronger, our heart and lungs to be more effective, increasing our physical ability and developing our body to work at its optimum.  Making it as capable as possible of handling what modern life throws at it. We know we will be more able to deal with unexpected physical stress and strains, we’ll have fewer aches and pains.

We can dance all night, and do…other things.. all night. We feel less fatigue, more awake, sharper and fitter.  In short, we become healthier and have a better quality of life.

Applying this understanding to Meditation is what will give us the secret superpower that is almost always overlooked.

When we meditate on a daily or very regular basis, we are in fact strengthening our ‘presence muscle’. That is to say, we are building our capacity to become present and aware when we really need it most – not on the mat or cushion, but when our sore points, our vulnerable places, are triggered in our ‘normal’ day to day activities.

When all is smooth and wonderful in life, we are mostly content, happy and connected. But when the shit hits the fan, when we are triggered, by our parents, our partners, our children, friends or work colleagues, it is in these moments of ‘reaction’ that we ‘lose consciousness’.

This moment is where we snap.  It’s where we defend, rationalize, attack, manipulate and either act ‘out’ in aggression or act ‘in’ through passive anger, punishment or just total shut down. This is when we actually feel the sting of abandonment, resentment, envy, and fear in real-time and space. This is where we damage ourselves and others.

Meditation’s greatest gift is that it can train us to expand that moment. It allows us to stretch that nano-second of time, just as we are triggered, offering to us an extra split second of hard-won presence and awareness.  A capacity built over time, as we cultivate our ability to witness our thoughts and emotions from a higher perspective.

This little gap, this fleeting blink of an eye, is where the practice of Meditation manifests its most profound benefit.

In that extra interval lies the greatest power available to us.  The capacity to choose how we will deal with the rush of pain, fear or anger welling up inside. It gives us the capacity to slow down time, take a breath and allow the emotional charge to subside so that we can make a conscious decision about how we want to respond. This shift enables us to move from automatic conflict, towards resolution. From judgment to compassion. From anger to forgiveness. From fear to love.

It should though be understood, that this fundamental ability, this knack, is by no means easy, nor is it always welcomed by those around us. When we develop this capacity, we become uniquely empowered, as we step out of ‘character’ and no longer follow the scripts that have been playing out in the theatre of our lives. Others who are used to being able to trigger and control us, are suddenly left having to deal with their own thoughts and feelings because we are no longer playing along and feeding the fire. We have learned to take each moment, each criticism, each comment that once had us lashing out in desperation and rage, and see it for what it really is…someone else’s inner world, their reality, not ours. We no longer take it personally.

This does not mean that we are no longer capable of hearing a valid criticism or are unable to receive feedback about where we can change, learn and grow.

We can, in fact, remain more receptive, more discerning and better placed to make a healthy judgment as to whether we take on or dismiss what comes our way from others.

With less fire and smoke comes clearer vision and understanding.

In the coolness of presence, we respond from our deepest, true nature.

This is real inner power.

This is ‘spiritual fitness’.

This is the secret superpower of Meditation!

Dump the script and step off the stage!

by Marc Itzler

StageEven if it is our belief that we live many lives, we still only get to live this particular life once. With this script and this cast.

Looking at the average kind of circumstances that existence hands out across 7 billion people, how blessed are we to have this life? Safe and secure enough to explore the deepest truths available to humanity.

Most people would give limbs to have half our opportunities and environment, with such relative security and stability. A life of comparative luxury, allowing us the time and space to discover our most fundamental limiting beliefs. The very core issues at the heart of our ‘story’, and the power to make positive change.

But it is essential to remember that doing something positive with our lives doesn’t mean we avoid negative consequences and reactions from others and ourselves.

There are ALWAYS, perceived or believed negative consequences for any challenge we face.

If there weren’t any, then we would be doing or would have done it by now.

So we need to really feel into what our perceived fears are.

They may be hidden and subtle. we are very used to making excuses for ourselves and finding external reasons to not act in our highest self.

For instance, take physical health. We all know exactly what is required to achieve optimum health for our age and circumstances. That is not a mystery. There would appear to be no negative consequences in getting fit and healthy. But they are there. If we begin to exercise and work on stretching and strengthening our bodies, there will be the challenge of feeling pain and exhaustion. If we become conscious of our eating, then we fear to feel hungry, or are forced to find a new way to deal with cravings, and eating to contain fear or emotional turbulence.

If we want to heal ourselves because we feel unwell, then we have to get real about our illness and take responsibility for our recovery.

Everybody wants to feel well and healthy but we don’t want to face the feelings that the challenge will bring. We don’t want to have to heal ourselves. Everybody wants to have the best possible quality of life, but few are ready to overcome the obstacle they face to achieve that.

Every day we make small repeating choices, habits, rituals, call them what you like, and those small decisions all work toward a certain outcome. So making real change, going beyond the point of no return, means to make a daily, in fact, at first, an HOURLY conscious commitment to empowering the decision. the change will be permanent if the inner commitment is permanent too.   so this is about turning up the awareness level to our actions and assessing their impact on our decisions.  No small action is either judged as good or bad, just the question comes – ‘is this action aligned with my decision to grow or not’? It’s almost like giving away the part we normally play, the thought we have and the words we say. it’s like letting go and handing it to something bigger than us. trusting that true inner voice over the louder entrenched voices.

It’s about turning our focus to see the STRUCTURE of limiting belief, Inhibition, self-sabotage, and addiction. NOT THE CONTENT! Why?

The metaphor is thus.

There is the theatre of life. In that theatre, there is a stage and an auditorium.

If we are on the stage, and ‘in character’ – we are playing our roles and following the script that we have committed to memory. (our beliefs and conditioning). We are in the play – in the movie, absorbed by the plot, the other characters, and our part in the story.

somewhere inside, we know that this is just a play, – a performance, – a script. But we also know that if we don’t follow the script, we will upset all the other actors and their roles will be exposed and invalidated. We have to stay in character – (behave ourselves and keep up the status quo). Not just to protect ourselves, but also to protect the integrity of the illusion for everyone else. Even if we don’t like the script, even if we see that the story is just that – an imagined reality, we still maintain our roles because we don’t want to be ejected from the stage.

We only know the stage and nothing else.

So if we see the idea of raising our awareness as a growing realization that we are on this stage, then the first thing we will want to do, is to see what exists beyond the stage. Beyond the script and the roles laid out for us. We feel compelled to start writing our own script. We crave spontaneity and creativity. We seek to find something beyond what we see and hear every day.

But how do we awaken from the dream? How do we get off the stage? We cannot ease our way out of unawareness, we cannot gently dip one toe into the void and expect to see what is beyond. In the end, we have to move to the front of the stage and jump into the darkness. We have to take the leap. Knowing that we may never be able to return to the illusion of our story, our script, our roles. We need to be ready for the character to die so that the actor can become self-aware and see that we are now no longer on the stage.

Now we are in the auditorium.  We are the director, the writer, the producer. Now we see that our beliefs and conditioning are not actually real any more than we decide they are and we get to write a new scene. A great liberation but also a great responsibility.

Now, if we don’t like the story we are writing, to whom can we complain? Who can we look to blame for our lives?

Ok, we get the idea of letting go of the character, but we have to interact with our world. We have to live in the marketplace. Eventually, we will have to get back on the stage, but now, we are the authors of our reality and can never again be just an actor, reciting the old script and the old moves. Now we are back in the play, but we are no longer in character. We have become self-aware and responsible for creating our own plot. This is a very different experience because we are now aware that we are on a stage and that we are not living according to the story going on around us. This may severely piss off some of the characters on the stage. The cast of your life. They will not be able to rely on you to fit the script anymore. They will feel destabilized and abandoned because they cannot take their cues from you in the same way anymore. You are now in the game but not OF it.  This can be a very lonely place. This is why we need courage. Why we need to learn how to integrate this new disillusionment into a life that still includes connection, intimacy, love, and community while retaining our innate sovereignty. Our own completeness.

We integrate through active contribution and giving of our selves in service. Part of the task of an awakened person is to share their realization with those around them and more generally, their fellow travellers. To assist them to also be liberated from the stress and anxiety of keeping up a performance, a set of roles and staying in character 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Personal transformation happens when we stop chopping and start digging!

by Marc Itzler

Interior

 

Most (not all) but most ideas, theories, processes, and methods on offer today for personal growth and development, are conceived, directed and taught through the conscious mind. We sit and share our inner world, we try to work through our limiting beliefs, our patterns of sabotage and negative behaviour using all kinds of setups, communication, meditations to help us to ‘understand ourselves’. We watch our thoughts, our breath, our behaviour.

And we get it! We understand! We see our stuck, repeating issues. We feel our fear and projections of the unknown. We really do see how our past has been creating our future. Yes, yes, YES!! WE GET IT!!!

And yet, many of us are still stuck.  Still hopeful. Ever willing and ready, open and receptive, coachable and present. Ready to try again and again.

I believe that transformation –  the experience of a real permanent shift –  lies in one tiny, hidden place.

It lies in our healing.  In our hidden pain, in our subconscious fear, our contained joy, and spontaneity. It lies in our laughter, in our tears, and in our surrender. It lies in the world of the invisible, the entombed and ignored.

The real challenge involves going into that place so terrifying and overwhelming, that many of us spend most of our waking lives committed to shutting down every and any real road to that bridge. Any distraction will do. Drugs, sex, food, drama, TV, Personal Development courses, even meditating and chanting mantras can all work well as strategies to ‘avoid the void’.

It’s like this.  Imagine a giant bunch of weeds growing in front of us on our life path. A huge, sun blocking, thorny thicket of weeds, 50 feet high, 10 feet wide and 20 feet deep. All our patterns, our issues, our sabotage, are all there in this monstrosity. Yes, we have some serious tools at our disposal.  We’ve done the ‘inner work’ right?  We’ve done every ceremony, every ritual, we’ve drunk sacred medicine and now we have our spiritual axe and a machete of intention and we know how to use them. We hack and cut,  with determination and commitment and purpose.  And some weeds start to come down. We get a glimpse of the light beyond, the hope of progress. But, as we step forward, new weeds rear up again and quickly block our path and the light beyond. We are back to square one and begin, once again, to hack away at this giant obstacle. We get a bigger axe, a sharper sword, we develop our technique and stamina but no matter how much we try, we cannot overcome this giant monster.

These weeds are being fed in the world of the invisible. The subconscious realm. Deep in the soil of our long forgotten, unresolved pain, frustration, abandonment, loneliness and sadness.  These roots feed and support this insatiable organism.

There is only one way to stop this cycle of perpetual struggle. We need to forget about the weeds we can see. We need to forget about the stories, the content, the ‘stuff’ that makes up our conscious lives.

We need to stop chopping. We need to start digging!

Dropping our axes, dropping our technique and our determination, we fall to our knees and surrender to the reality that we need to venture into the darkness – to descend into our interior.  This is when we fully understand that we can no more access our subconscious through the conscious mind than we can force ourselves to fall asleep at night.

We have to use a much more primal power to connect to this hidden inner world – to access the protected parts of our brain that contain and store all our wounds, pain and trauma. We have to use our basic primal energies.  Like a newborn child, as yet un-enslaved by thought, we have to reconnect to our laughter and intrinsic joy, and we have to connect with our tears.  Fully, deeply, and in utter abandon and surrender.

Now, we are digging.

As our hands push into the dark damp soil, as we journey into our hidden depths, using nothing but our receptivity and presence, we begin to enter into a different state of awareness. We are exploring without our minds. Just using our pure primal energies. Inviting both the repressed joy and pain to surface.

And then, slowly, something begins to take shape in our hearts. Our wounded child awakens, memories return, feelings begin to well up from a distant past. But now, we are here for our inner child. Now, we have resources, experience, resilience. Now we are ready to expose these treasures, these blessings in disguise.  With patience, compassion, and awareness, we gently ease the wound, the root, into the light. We welcome it. We hold it in our hands. We love it, we accept it, and then, as it begins to dissolve in the light of a memory revealed and the salt of our deepest tears…..we let it go.

As we do, a few towering stems wither and gently fall away, allowing in new light, new warmth.  And, when we’re ready, we move forward and again, we begin to dig.

And slowly, gently, we reveal more and more of the roots of hidden pain and fears that have lain buried and dismissed. Each one discovered purely by digging down deep inside, our only tools, our heart, our desire to heal and to discover the deepest essence of what we are.

As the giant weeds continue to fall away, the path begins to clear. We step forward, growth happens, our life begins to develop and change automatically. As we are breathed by existence, as blood circulates through our body, as all the natural systems do, so will our life naturally move toward balance, toward awareness, toward Love.

The One Basic Concept That Can Completely Transform Your Relationship With Your Children And Yourself!

by Marc Itzler
Trust + respect = influence.
Trust +respect= influence.

I have, with their mother, raised two boys, now aged 29 and 30, and a stepdaughter aged 37. They are inspired, energized, healthy and balanced individuals because of one very basic but critical concept. Getting this new understanding and applying it can change the actual viewpoint from which we parent and so transform the very experience of raising a child.

Many of us feel that our children need to be protected and directed in order that they turn out as successful individuals. Others believe that parents should befriend their children to maintain trust and a happy relationship, by giving them space to evolve, without being controlled or coerced into a future that we think is best for them. In my experience, both these approaches lead to disaster!

Either a child experiences domination and suffocation or the alternative, being neglect and ‘boundary-less’ choice paralysis.

So how do we care for our children, help them and protect them? How do we decide which approach and how much stick to carrot is the right balance?
Well, here is a concept that can create an environment of healthy communication, clear, empowered roles and functional family connections.

The Concept is simply to move from having expectations of our children…. to having aspirations for them. That is it.

Just shifting our perspective from one to the other, switches the focus to where it belongs; with the child. Moving to aspiration means that we want the best for them. We want them to be self-reliant, inspired, creative, and healthy but inside ourselves, we accept that it may not turn out that way. Our children may face challenges, suffering and difficulty in their lives and on a deep level as parents, we need to accept that as a possibility and realize that they are here to live out their own stories.

When we think, speak, and direct from a place of expectation, we are attempting to engineer our children in order that they live out our story. In expectation, there is an agenda presented to the child and this is felt within them as invalidation, as disrespect, and as an experience of the parent, in essence, becoming the child.

We expect them to be successful not just because we love them but also because we need to be validated as parents through their achievements. A child feels this as an energetic abandonment, even if we are supportive and apparently ‘focused’ on the child.

This is the birthplace of unhealthy rebellion, of seeking identity through a separation that is beyond the natural desire to leave the nest. It is the root of self-sabotage. Where failure becomes the power, where identity is developed in a negative self-evaluation. This core issue is the environment in which the relationship between child and parent becomes conflictive, abusive, or even violent. This is how we can potentially cripple our children for life.

It’s not an easy shift but when we realize that we can, in aspiration, guide, support, care for and encourage, facilitate and organize, teach, and connect. Then we see that our children open up to the experience of our role in their lives.

In aspiration, we can build trust and influence, the two essential ingredients needed to protect and inform our children.

So the concept of aspiration allows for all the important dynamics of parenting; guidance, wisdom, support, and nurturing but also sincerity, boundaries, and responsibilities. It creates clear roles, for authentic modeling and allows for appropriate, lifelong friendships to develop within a safe, creative, and loving family space. This has been my experience and I am filled with gratitude for the strong and solid bond that I have with my children.