Overcoming Fear.

Fear of flying – Addicted to anxiety

by Marc Itzler

plane

Until quite recently, every time I have flown, I have had this little moment – right at the point where I stepped from the air bridge walkway on to the plane.

I looked at the doorway in front of me, the mechanisms and rivets and bolts and levers. Looking for something, a stain, a dent, any imperfection that might alert me to something, I didn’t know what. In fact, I didn’t know anything about what I was looking at. I’d see the bored faces of the ground crew milling about outside the aircraft, and the relaxed easy smiles of the cabin crew waiting to greet me as I entered, and found reassurance in their seemingly uneventful day.

I stepped through the door and in that moment, surrendered myself to the will of fate. I willingly incarcerated myself in a metal tube, knowing full well that it would soon lurch me and my fellow prisoners forward to a speed of 150mph before somehow elegantly lifting itself up into the sky.

Thrust back into my seat as we heaved forward, I’m thinking to myself, “keep it straight, keep it level, go go go! Isn’t this fast enough?” And then, the ground would gently tip away and drop out below. A little lurch to left, “Whoa!  Ok..we’re ok we’re up we’re up”.

My grip on the armrests gently loosened, as everything began to smooth out and quieten down. Then the cabin crew unbuckled and began their duties, I could breathe a little deeper. With a gentle ‘bong’, the seatbelt sign disappears, and I come back to myself. Out of the window, I watch the tiny cars below streaming along the roads, snaking out into the distance.

It was always incredible to me. Always like a child in awe at the fact that I was thousands of feet above the ground screaming along at over 400mph. As we climbed out into the sky, breaking through the clouds to the stars or the sun, I settled in for the journey.

But then, came the bumps!  A little shudder at first, then a heave and a drop, “Why does it always start just as I’m about to eat or have a drink? I hate this, please stop!”  I just couldn’t let go and accept what was happening.  I was trapped in a superstitious belief that if I relaxed, I’d be punished with even worse turbulence or even the unthinkable. I actually thought that my fear was necessary to hold the plane together. A totally irrational but overwhelming emotion.  The turbulence passed as we moved into clear air, and once again my body relaxed and I dropped down in my seat, exhausted with the tension released.

Then, a few years ago, something changed. Something deep inside shifted to a new place.

I received a Birthday gift. A flying lesson at a local aerodrome in North London.

I arrived feeling a bit nervous.  After a half-hour explanation of avionics and the basics of how a plane works, we headed out to the little Cessna aircraft.

Buckled in and headphones on, I was watched carefully as my instructor prepared the plane, started the engine, and headed off towards the runway.  After a quick ok from air traffic control, he threw the throttle to full and we roared off, weaving and bumping along the grass field. We climbed gently up to two thousand feet, just below the scattered clouds. The rolling green fields of Hertfordshire spread out below us.

“Ok, ready to take control?” He asked. “Uh yeah, Ready.” I responded, not really sure if I was.

“Ok, you have control.”

I gripped the wheel tightly. “Ok, I thought, “keep it level, nose a bit up, what else?” “What else did he say I have to do?” “Are you ok?” He asked, sensing my clear tension. “Just relax your grip, let the wheel move freely. The plane will stay level.”

I loosened my grip so that my hand was more or less just feeling the wheel but not gripping it. All was well. The plane bobbed a bit but yes, it was staying level.

“That’s better.” He said “Just have the lightest touch on the wheel and keep an eye on the instruments.”

We puttered about for a few more minutes before I noticed we were heading for some rather thick clouds. “what do I do in a cloud?” I said.

“Nothing.” “The plane will bounce and heave around a bit, just keep your hand near the wheel.” “Let it find its own way.” “Ok,” I thought. “I can do that.”

We entered the cloud and immediately the plane started bobbing left and right, a little lurch and heave, but I kept my hand loose and relaxed. The plane hopped and dropped, wobbled and lurched but I felt the movement through the wheel, like a car going over a pothole. It stayed level and straight. Then we popped out the other side back into sunshine and all was smooth again.

“Ok, we’re going to head back in now, would you like to do the approach?” He asked

“Yes, I would”. I was relaxing and gaining confidence.

I guided our plane, under my instructor’s watchful eye, back and down towards the runway.

“I’ll take over at forty feet.” He informed me. “Forty feet? I gasped.  “ok… I think?”

We descended under my control in a perfect approach and at what seemed like the very last second, he took over and we touched down, rumbling along the grass.

The engine roared as we slowed and taxied back to our parking spot.

I was totally pumped. “Thank you so much, that was fantastic!”

I said goodbye to the instructor and headed off to my car.

Driving back through the Hertfordshire countryside, I was struck by the fact that cars were zooming past me in the opposite direction at over fifty miles an hour with barely eight feet between us.

“Driving cars is so risky.” I thought. ” I do this every day but  never realised how close we are to each other.” ” Flying is so much…safer.” That was it. The moment I let go of my fear of flying.

But it got me thinking,  Maybe, this was a lesson about more than just flying. Maybe this was a lesson in trust and surrender. That I can relax my grip on life, give it some room to move, trust it. I decided there and then that I wanted to try to let go of anxiety and tension in my life, to see what would actually happen. To call the bluff on my fear. It was tested soon enough.

I was about to fly to Cape Town – a twelve-hour overnight haul from Heathrow.

Stepping onto the plane, I felt a deep sense of calm and surrender. I was in a totally relaxed state. I settled into my seat feeling content. I just knew that whatever was to be was to be. It had less to do with actually flying and everything to do with an inner shift from anxiety to trust. From fear to acceptance.

As the plane roared along the runway, all that I felt was excitement about leaving the British winter, getting to Cape Town, and having breakfast in the warm sunshine of a southern summer. As we gently banked over the sparkling lights of London and headed down over Surrey, I was free of any anxiety or concern.

We cruised on into the night, and as is normal when flying down over deepest, darkest Africa, we encountered some tropical stormy weather. I awoke at 4am to the lurch and heave of the plane as it plowed through the wild night.

But now, I was totally undisturbed! No fear and no tension in my body. I visualized the plane bouncing over the clouds like a bus on a bumpy road, feeling the speed of the plane adjusting and steadying itself naturally, through the jolts and bumps.

Rocked and soothed by the movement, I drifted back to sleep. Four hours later, I awoke to a silky calm sunrise over the red dunes of Namibia.

As I stepped off the plane, I felt refreshed and ready for the day ahead.

It was clear that something inside me had dissolved. Yes, I had lost much of my fear of flying but it was more than that. It was deeper and bigger. I had to some degree, successfully lost a fear of life itself!

What had become so real and embodied in me was that, just as the plane did not actually need my fear to keep it in the sky, so did life not need my anxiety, to keep things from falling apart.

It was like I had experienced a new perspective in microcosm.  How fear dominated my experience of life, every day and in every way. But even more, how because of this irrational belief that anxiety and tension had served me in some way, I had become addicted to it. An insane notion that without a mind and body overwhelmed by negative thoughts, fear, tension, and stress, everything would collapse around me.

I realized how I had allowed external forces beyond my control, to throw me around. From fear to relief, tension to relaxation, and back again. Bounced around on the turbulence of circumstance, like my plane in the night, bouncing from cloud to cloud, heaving into warm air and dropping into cold.

I saw how I was always throttling back, unsure of the path ahead, and consequently always losing height,  perspective, and vision.

But just like me, my plane was designed to handle rough weather. Its body, designed to be flexible and soft, to absorb and deflect the massive forces set against it.  Its mind, capable of re-adjusting toward the destination, keeping it level and moving, moving, always moving forward. Without motion, there could be no lift, and no ability to navigate or steer a course. Without forward thrust, there was only one way to go. Down.

This has now become an understanding from which I aspire to live. To understand that stress, fear, anxiety, and tension, have only ever caused me to become brittle and inflexible. Easily shattered by the winds of fate. A victim of circumstance. Now I choose as much as possible to move with the wind, to roll with the changes. Money in the bank, or no money in the bank. A woman by my side, or no woman by my side. Clarity of purpose or just foggy confusion.  Good health or poor health. Taking a risk or deciding to wait until the right moment.  But whatever my state of mind, I know that I have to keep moving, always moving forward, gaining lift and speed. Climbing ever higher, expanding perspective to a distant horizon. Letting go of my addiction to fear and anxiety. Realizing that it never has, and never will serve me.  Accepting the truth that I am free to fly.

From Seriousness To Sincerity. JoinThe Laughing Rebellion!

by Marc Itzler

Do we have to be angry to have strong feelings?  Do we have to be upset to show that we care about the madness of the world?  And do we have to inhibit our humour and joy, to show that something is really important to us?

This tension, this apparent contradiction in our lives, when we feel the pain of those suffering, both around us and in distant lands, and yet we know, that to dive into that space, makes us feel dark and contracted, heavy and negative. We feel guilt and shame and frustration.  So we look away, we scroll down or we switch off and get on with our lives. But inside, we still care, we still ache.

It is only human to feel empathy, to go into an experience of another’s pain, in order to know it and be there for them. It is a loving act but, it also feels like it spreads the pain out. It expands the very suffering that we anguish over.

This vicious cycle can be so overwhelming, that many of us choose to avoid or ignore the reality of life as it is for us as a global village, as a species, sharing our beautiful little blue ball hanging in infinite space. It’s just too much to let it all in. The corruption, the cruelty and torture, the suffering and the despair of our fellow humans and creatures of this paradise.

We struggle to even work out how we got to this point, let alone where we go from here.

What we do know is that we are in a serious situation.

But are we served by making that state of affairs our state of being?  Is our seriousness actually empowering us?  Or does it send us into a state of collapse, of defeat, of resignation?

How can we not cry tears of sorrow?  How can we not hang our heads in despair?

When we face our greatest fears, the loss of our life or the lives of our loved ones, the loss of our liberty or maybe even worse, the loss of our very hope, then what are our choices? Where is our power?

What happens if, at that moment, we decide to let go of seriousness and yet, remain deeply sincere in our truth?  What if we can stare fear in the face….and begin to laugh, really laugh, to know that at our deepest core we see the truth and choose to remain free?

Laughter is so often seen as a lack of capacity to understand the gravity of a situation.

It’s frivolous, it’s selfish, it’s a sign that you’re not getting it!

But when we really try to understand laughter, when we get real about what laughter and a sense of humour actually is, then we begin to see that it is, in its purest form, the greatest expression of understanding that we have. Laughter is our bodies reaction to a moment of ultimate clarity, it is how we express the recognition of truth itself. It is what makes satire both deeply funny and deeply moving all at once.

This is because laughter is Intelligence! It is the ultimate expression of rebellion!

A rebellion against guilt, against shame and self-doubt. A rebellion against fear itself.

A rebellious person is a dangerous person. Dangerous to the system, to the status quo. They will not be easily controlled and they will not be easily silenced.

Un-hindered by the fear of condemnation and judgment, the rebel is not playing by the book.  Not keeping to the script.  A rebel will laugh in the face of their own fear, even their own demise. But an intelligent and awakened rebellious and joyful person is always, always sincere!  They are led and guided by a bigger picture, a bigger perspective. and that creates an immense freedom. The laughing rebel lives a liberated life. They live an authentic life and a life of courage and truth. Laughter relaxes us, it unites us, it connects us and it heals us.

That is why we must move from seriousness to sincerity. From emotional enslavement to personal power, where we can care, more than ever before!

We can desire and fight for justice, equanimity, and dignity for us all and we can stand strong against the headwind of corruption, against the mass insanity and indoctrination, that would have us on our knees in a state of futility, worn out by the sheer size of the challenge.

The dark forces of this world want us to take it all very seriously.

When we are serious, we are open to their message of hate and division. Open to the script of tribalism, nationalism, religious separation and isolation. When we are serious, we are open to dis-ease and disinformation. We can be controlled because seriousness is fear. It is blind faith and blind action.  The serious and scared are easy to control. They are easy to manipulate and indoctrinate.

So if we want to be a part of creating a new world, a new way of living, then we have to renounce seriousness and embrace the power of humour and laughter as a force of vision, of perspective and as an expression of our true authentic being.

Laughter is the expression of this powerful state. It is the manifestation of our deepest truth. That is what the sages and great mystics of history have always taught. Laugh in the face of fear, celebrate, dance and sing in gratitude because that generates power and conviction in ourselves, it engenders individual thought and values and right now, more than sorrow, more than sympathetic sadness, this world needs sincere, laughing, courageous rebels!

Dump the script and step off the stage!

by Marc Itzler

StageEven if it is our belief that we live many lives, we still only get to live this particular life once. With this script and this cast.

Looking at the average kind of circumstances that existence hands out across 7 billion people, how blessed are we to have this life? Safe and secure enough to explore the deepest truths available to humanity.

Most people would give limbs to have half our opportunities and environment, with such relative security and stability. A life of comparative luxury, allowing us the time and space to discover our most fundamental limiting beliefs. The very core issues at the heart of our ‘story’, and the power to make positive change.

But it is essential to remember that doing something positive with our lives doesn’t mean we avoid negative consequences and reactions from others and ourselves.

There are ALWAYS, perceived or believed negative consequences for any challenge we face.

If there weren’t any, then we would be doing or would have done it by now.

So we need to really feel into what our perceived fears are.

They may be hidden and subtle. we are very used to making excuses for ourselves and finding external reasons to not act in our highest self.

For instance, take physical health. We all know exactly what is required to achieve optimum health for our age and circumstances. That is not a mystery. There would appear to be no negative consequences in getting fit and healthy. But they are there. If we begin to exercise and work on stretching and strengthening our bodies, there will be the challenge of feeling pain and exhaustion. If we become conscious of our eating, then we fear to feel hungry, or are forced to find a new way to deal with cravings, and eating to contain fear or emotional turbulence.

If we want to heal ourselves because we feel unwell, then we have to get real about our illness and take responsibility for our recovery.

Everybody wants to feel well and healthy but we don’t want to face the feelings that the challenge will bring. We don’t want to have to heal ourselves. Everybody wants to have the best possible quality of life, but few are ready to overcome the obstacle they face to achieve that.

Every day we make small repeating choices, habits, rituals, call them what you like, and those small decisions all work toward a certain outcome. So making real change, going beyond the point of no return, means to make a daily, in fact, at first, an HOURLY conscious commitment to empowering the decision. the change will be permanent if the inner commitment is permanent too.   so this is about turning up the awareness level to our actions and assessing their impact on our decisions.  No small action is either judged as good or bad, just the question comes – ‘is this action aligned with my decision to grow or not’? It’s almost like giving away the part we normally play, the thought we have and the words we say. it’s like letting go and handing it to something bigger than us. trusting that true inner voice over the louder entrenched voices.

It’s about turning our focus to see the STRUCTURE of limiting belief, Inhibition, self-sabotage, and addiction. NOT THE CONTENT! Why?

The metaphor is thus.

There is the theatre of life. In that theatre, there is a stage and an auditorium.

If we are on the stage, and ‘in character’ – we are playing our roles and following the script that we have committed to memory. (our beliefs and conditioning). We are in the play – in the movie, absorbed by the plot, the other characters, and our part in the story.

somewhere inside, we know that this is just a play, – a performance, – a script. But we also know that if we don’t follow the script, we will upset all the other actors and their roles will be exposed and invalidated. We have to stay in character – (behave ourselves and keep up the status quo). Not just to protect ourselves, but also to protect the integrity of the illusion for everyone else. Even if we don’t like the script, even if we see that the story is just that – an imagined reality, we still maintain our roles because we don’t want to be ejected from the stage.

We only know the stage and nothing else.

So if we see the idea of raising our awareness as a growing realization that we are on this stage, then the first thing we will want to do, is to see what exists beyond the stage. Beyond the script and the roles laid out for us. We feel compelled to start writing our own script. We crave spontaneity and creativity. We seek to find something beyond what we see and hear every day.

But how do we awaken from the dream? How do we get off the stage? We cannot ease our way out of unawareness, we cannot gently dip one toe into the void and expect to see what is beyond. In the end, we have to move to the front of the stage and jump into the darkness. We have to take the leap. Knowing that we may never be able to return to the illusion of our story, our script, our roles. We need to be ready for the character to die so that the actor can become self-aware and see that we are now no longer on the stage.

Now we are in the auditorium.  We are the director, the writer, the producer. Now we see that our beliefs and conditioning are not actually real any more than we decide they are and we get to write a new scene. A great liberation but also a great responsibility.

Now, if we don’t like the story we are writing, to whom can we complain? Who can we look to blame for our lives?

Ok, we get the idea of letting go of the character, but we have to interact with our world. We have to live in the marketplace. Eventually, we will have to get back on the stage, but now, we are the authors of our reality and can never again be just an actor, reciting the old script and the old moves. Now we are back in the play, but we are no longer in character. We have become self-aware and responsible for creating our own plot. This is a very different experience because we are now aware that we are on a stage and that we are not living according to the story going on around us. This may severely piss off some of the characters on the stage. The cast of your life. They will not be able to rely on you to fit the script anymore. They will feel destabilized and abandoned because they cannot take their cues from you in the same way anymore. You are now in the game but not OF it.  This can be a very lonely place. This is why we need courage. Why we need to learn how to integrate this new disillusionment into a life that still includes connection, intimacy, love, and community while retaining our innate sovereignty. Our own completeness.

We integrate through active contribution and giving of our selves in service. Part of the task of an awakened person is to share their realization with those around them and more generally, their fellow travellers. To assist them to also be liberated from the stress and anxiety of keeping up a performance, a set of roles and staying in character 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Personal transformation happens when we stop chopping and start digging!

by Marc Itzler

Interior

 

Most (not all) but most ideas, theories, processes, and methods on offer today for personal growth and development, are conceived, directed and taught through the conscious mind. We sit and share our inner world, we try to work through our limiting beliefs, our patterns of sabotage and negative behaviour using all kinds of setups, communication, meditations to help us to ‘understand ourselves’. We watch our thoughts, our breath, our behaviour.

And we get it! We understand! We see our stuck, repeating issues. We feel our fear and projections of the unknown. We really do see how our past has been creating our future. Yes, yes, YES!! WE GET IT!!!

And yet, many of us are still stuck.  Still hopeful. Ever willing and ready, open and receptive, coachable and present. Ready to try again and again.

I believe that transformation –  the experience of a real permanent shift –  lies in one tiny, hidden place.

It lies in our healing.  In our hidden pain, in our subconscious fear, our contained joy, and spontaneity. It lies in our laughter, in our tears, and in our surrender. It lies in the world of the invisible, the entombed and ignored.

The real challenge involves going into that place so terrifying and overwhelming, that many of us spend most of our waking lives committed to shutting down every and any real road to that bridge. Any distraction will do. Drugs, sex, food, drama, TV, Personal Development courses, even meditating and chanting mantras can all work well as strategies to ‘avoid the void’.

It’s like this.  Imagine a giant bunch of weeds growing in front of us on our life path. A huge, sun blocking, thorny thicket of weeds, 50 feet high, 10 feet wide and 20 feet deep. All our patterns, our issues, our sabotage, are all there in this monstrosity. Yes, we have some serious tools at our disposal.  We’ve done the ‘inner work’ right?  We’ve done every ceremony, every ritual, we’ve drunk sacred medicine and now we have our spiritual axe and a machete of intention and we know how to use them. We hack and cut,  with determination and commitment and purpose.  And some weeds start to come down. We get a glimpse of the light beyond, the hope of progress. But, as we step forward, new weeds rear up again and quickly block our path and the light beyond. We are back to square one and begin, once again, to hack away at this giant obstacle. We get a bigger axe, a sharper sword, we develop our technique and stamina but no matter how much we try, we cannot overcome this giant monster.

These weeds are being fed in the world of the invisible. The subconscious realm. Deep in the soil of our long forgotten, unresolved pain, frustration, abandonment, loneliness and sadness.  These roots feed and support this insatiable organism.

There is only one way to stop this cycle of perpetual struggle. We need to forget about the weeds we can see. We need to forget about the stories, the content, the ‘stuff’ that makes up our conscious lives.

We need to stop chopping. We need to start digging!

Dropping our axes, dropping our technique and our determination, we fall to our knees and surrender to the reality that we need to venture into the darkness – to descend into our interior.  This is when we fully understand that we can no more access our subconscious through the conscious mind than we can force ourselves to fall asleep at night.

We have to use a much more primal power to connect to this hidden inner world – to access the protected parts of our brain that contain and store all our wounds, pain and trauma. We have to use our basic primal energies.  Like a newborn child, as yet un-enslaved by thought, we have to reconnect to our laughter and intrinsic joy, and we have to connect with our tears.  Fully, deeply, and in utter abandon and surrender.

Now, we are digging.

As our hands push into the dark damp soil, as we journey into our hidden depths, using nothing but our receptivity and presence, we begin to enter into a different state of awareness. We are exploring without our minds. Just using our pure primal energies. Inviting both the repressed joy and pain to surface.

And then, slowly, something begins to take shape in our hearts. Our wounded child awakens, memories return, feelings begin to well up from a distant past. But now, we are here for our inner child. Now, we have resources, experience, resilience. Now we are ready to expose these treasures, these blessings in disguise.  With patience, compassion, and awareness, we gently ease the wound, the root, into the light. We welcome it. We hold it in our hands. We love it, we accept it, and then, as it begins to dissolve in the light of a memory revealed and the salt of our deepest tears…..we let it go.

As we do, a few towering stems wither and gently fall away, allowing in new light, new warmth.  And, when we’re ready, we move forward and again, we begin to dig.

And slowly, gently, we reveal more and more of the roots of hidden pain and fears that have lain buried and dismissed. Each one discovered purely by digging down deep inside, our only tools, our heart, our desire to heal and to discover the deepest essence of what we are.

As the giant weeds continue to fall away, the path begins to clear. We step forward, growth happens, our life begins to develop and change automatically. As we are breathed by existence, as blood circulates through our body, as all the natural systems do, so will our life naturally move toward balance, toward awareness, toward Love.

What is the difference between ‘Letting go’ and ‘giving up’?

by Marc Itzler

during this time of uncertainty and change, it seems that so many people are finding themselves at a crossroads in their lives.

In our careers, in relationships, health, and well-being, or in the never-ending quest for meaning and purpose, we can often find ourselves in a very different place from where we first set off. Inspiration can wither; ambition and vision can blur and dissolve. We’re left wondering ‘What the hell was I thinking?’

Disillusioned and confused, struggling with an inner battle between head and heart, we start asking the question, ‘Am I letting go of something that has run its natural course? Or am I giving up and not completing a task that I set for myself – breaking a commitment I have made?”

Some of us may fall into the role of the victim; desperate to find all the reasons why this business, or that relationship, or that health goal didn’t work out for us, even though we tried so very, very hard.

Others choose to take it all on board and wallow in the shame, guilt, remorse, and regret of a bad decision,  a poor judgment call, or a hard lesson learned. “I didn’t try hard enough, it was all my fault, I have let myself down, I’m a failure”.

We may, at various times in our lives, experience both of these realms of introspection. Sometimes it is so hard to know which one we are in. Are we running away, or actually stopping and turning to face our demons? Are we avoiding and rationalising? Or are we seeing the end of an illusion? A reality check, a hard truth?

Maybe we can never really know at the time. Perhaps it is what comes next, that informs and educates us to be better attuned to our own intuition and instincts, and to develop our discernment.

How often have we looked back, and realized that if certain events that at the time, seemed utterly awful and confronting had not occurred, then the next set of events could simply not have happened? They didn’t exist or were not available to us at the time. That book had not been published, that offer or opportunity had not arrived in front of us, or that person was not in our lives.  The door wasn’t yet open. We were not ready for that experience.

The extent to which we try to engineer and control our lives is also the extent to which we have to deal with disappointment and frustrations. We create our own expectations of ourselves or worse, we allow others to impose theirs on us. So what is the difference between letting go and giving up? Between surrender and defeat, between acceptance and absolving?

The key may lie in our ability to respond to the flux of life.   Can we feel all the pangs and cringes of so-called failure and self-judgment, and just let that be there in all its gory glory?

Like learning to ride a bike, it often hurts like hell, but something is always learned, something develops. Consciously or not, we grow and change. To reflect on this truth is to become more adept to handle the next challenge with just a hint more strength, and a bit more determination, but also it’s a relaxation into our imperfections. In that, is the liberation of letting go. Therein lies the surrender, and humility in the face of our vulnerability and exposure. It will always be a time of accelerated growth and development if we can stay with the pain, forgive ourselves, and stay trusting. Then we can say we are letting go, letting the river take us downstream to an unknown ocean.

Giving up is just a position. It’s a reaction to disappointment, or a refusal to relinquish the illusion of control. We can have aspirations, ambitions, goals, and desires, but in the end, life is chaotic – stormy and unpredictable. Sometimes, when the clouds part we find ourselves in uncharted territory. This is where we can learn to IMG_6197let go and trust in our ship. To ride the waves of the next tempest. We learn to better navigate with our own inner compass and our true North Star by seeing not just where we are headed, but from where we have come.

Failspace

by Marc Itzler

Falling-BabyBefore we reach the age of judgment and self-identification, we instinctively know that there is no such thing as failure. We fall a dozen times a day as we learn to crawl, walk and run. We mess up words and phrases as we learn to talk and sing. we burn our hands in fire, cough and splutter as we learn to swim.

Failure is the process of achieving success, it is the fundamental right of every human being to fall and rise and fall again, as we grow and develop as people, as partners, as parents, and as entrepreneurs.

Society, media and conventional education have often sent out the message to us that failure is moving in the ‘wrong direction’. We get marked down for ‘wrong answers’. We are taught to avoid failure at all costs, to minimize mistakes and risk so that we stay safe and protected from ridicule and disappointment.

Fear of failure is the killer of creativity, the end of adventure and exploration. It makes us wary of our imaginings and stifles our ability to act and manifest beauty into this world.

Always protect your right to fail, to adjust the direction of travel, to compensate for the winds of life and re-set your course. When you want to use the word Failure, just swap the word for ‘learn’ or ‘grow’. It will bring immense liberation to your life and help you realize that success is not a destination or an outcome. It is a state of being, your failspace.

Do you really want to change the world?

by Marc Itzler

You might think it an obvious question. Doesn’t everyone want to change the world?

If I asked you today, “what would you do if you could change the world”? Would you feel able to guide the world towards the way you think it should be?

Politicians and others who seek power and control determine to do just that; change the world, or as they might say, “make the world a better place”.

Now, one would think that with such a rich history of modifying and changing (for the better apparently), the world would be becoming a better place.
Meaning that year on year there would be less suffering, less injustice, less corruption, greed, disease, and war.
There would be cleaner water for more, food for all, hope, human rights and values of tolerance etc.

And it is expected that change would be clearly achievable in a matter of decades as we don’t really have a hundred years to save the rainforest, the flora, and fauna, the climate, our civilization.

The truth is, the world is as bad as or even worse than ever. Wars are more numerous and devastating than ever, social order, human rights, and justice are diminishing. Poverty, suffering and the addiction to wealth accumulation are the dominant features of our civilization. We as a species are charging blindly towards our own demise and taking many of the plants and animals with us.

With just enough talk, just enough rhetoric and feigned concern from those who pretend to care while those who do actually care have no control.

No policy, no accord, no protocol or convention will save us. No one voice, no second coming of any Messiah will turn us into a fair wind.

For things to improve, the whole world has to change together, with one long slow wave, one long breath, through many generations.

That’s how we can change the world. By being one beat in the pulse of life,
one word in the song of change, one note in the symphony of awakening.

Because it is not what we do in our lives that will save our kind, it is what we teach, what we pass on that sets the sails for the journey of mankind.

We can spend our short lives trying to change everything that we see is wrong and attempt to be the whole song, the whole symphony, and demand that it all become right, right now.
Or we can accept that in terms of our lives we are a blink of an eye and really, all we can actually influence is the next blink. To help make it more in tune with conscious behaviour, so that the next blink moves us closer to an existence more in harmony with our Earth and fellow beings. Blink by blink, generation by generation.

We can make the world better and better but none of us alive today will get to see the utopia we all covet. That is for our children’s children.

A world living in peace and balance, with free awake people that don’t kill each other, who share the Earth’s recourses fairly and justly and intelligently.

That, unfortunately, is not for us.
But, without us, without our contribution, it won’t happen.

Without us teaching the next generation to teach the next and reach a critical mass of consciousness, we as a civilization, as a people are heading into darkness.

Without any asteroid or a super volcano, without even a nuclear holocaust, we are currently destined to simply devour ourselves.

So whether we like it or not, the new man will have to live in a simpler and smaller way with completely different priorities and lifestyles.
A more natural, human existence in smaller communities with less consumption and less greed.

James Lovelock, the author of the Gaia hypothesis put it very clearly by stating “the very idea of ‘sustainable development’ is an oxymoron and that the only option facing us is a sustainable retreat”.

A balancing and stabilization of human life on Earth over many generations.

So we can play that small but critical part in creating that future. We can raise our children to be more conscious. We can assist them to have a deeper experience of what is really important about being human and what is needed to make the world that better place.
We cannot teach our children how to change the world but we can show them how to be even more accomplished and intelligent parents than we have been.

They, in turn, will teach their children to grow again in understanding, in love and respect of their fellow travellers and the Earth.

That is the responsibility of all generations. To be the brightest blink, the most empowering force we can be. Through example and mutual respect, through benevolent authority and trust, we can seed the fields and nurture baby trees and in the years, decades and centuries to come, the trees will mature and mankind will live in a new garden.

So now, let’s change the world!

The One Basic Concept That Can Completely Transform Your Relationship With Your Children And Yourself!

by Marc Itzler
Trust + respect = influence.
Trust +respect= influence.

I have, with their mother, raised two boys, now aged 29 and 30, and a stepdaughter aged 37. They are inspired, energized, healthy and balanced individuals because of one very basic but critical concept. Getting this new understanding and applying it can change the actual viewpoint from which we parent and so transform the very experience of raising a child.

Many of us feel that our children need to be protected and directed in order that they turn out as successful individuals. Others believe that parents should befriend their children to maintain trust and a happy relationship, by giving them space to evolve, without being controlled or coerced into a future that we think is best for them. In my experience, both these approaches lead to disaster!

Either a child experiences domination and suffocation or the alternative, being neglect and ‘boundary-less’ choice paralysis.

So how do we care for our children, help them and protect them? How do we decide which approach and how much stick to carrot is the right balance?
Well, here is a concept that can create an environment of healthy communication, clear, empowered roles and functional family connections.

The Concept is simply to move from having expectations of our children…. to having aspirations for them. That is it.

Just shifting our perspective from one to the other, switches the focus to where it belongs; with the child. Moving to aspiration means that we want the best for them. We want them to be self-reliant, inspired, creative, and healthy but inside ourselves, we accept that it may not turn out that way. Our children may face challenges, suffering and difficulty in their lives and on a deep level as parents, we need to accept that as a possibility and realize that they are here to live out their own stories.

When we think, speak, and direct from a place of expectation, we are attempting to engineer our children in order that they live out our story. In expectation, there is an agenda presented to the child and this is felt within them as invalidation, as disrespect, and as an experience of the parent, in essence, becoming the child.

We expect them to be successful not just because we love them but also because we need to be validated as parents through their achievements. A child feels this as an energetic abandonment, even if we are supportive and apparently ‘focused’ on the child.

This is the birthplace of unhealthy rebellion, of seeking identity through a separation that is beyond the natural desire to leave the nest. It is the root of self-sabotage. Where failure becomes the power, where identity is developed in a negative self-evaluation. This core issue is the environment in which the relationship between child and parent becomes conflictive, abusive, or even violent. This is how we can potentially cripple our children for life.

It’s not an easy shift but when we realize that we can, in aspiration, guide, support, care for and encourage, facilitate and organize, teach, and connect. Then we see that our children open up to the experience of our role in their lives.

In aspiration, we can build trust and influence, the two essential ingredients needed to protect and inform our children.

So the concept of aspiration allows for all the important dynamics of parenting; guidance, wisdom, support, and nurturing but also sincerity, boundaries, and responsibilities. It creates clear roles, for authentic modeling and allows for appropriate, lifelong friendships to develop within a safe, creative, and loving family space. This has been my experience and I am filled with gratitude for the strong and solid bond that I have with my children.